Have you ever heard the phrase it's a walk in the park? How many times has it actually made sense to you? On a realistic note walking in a park isn't always easy. Just like life... life isn't always the easiest. There are good days and there are bad days. Sometimes there's days that you probably barely want to open your eyes for and some days you probably don't ever want to close your eyes for because if you do the day ends and your afraid it may have all been a dream.. today was a day where it was just a plain roller coaster. every where Cameron and i looked it was as if happiness couldn't last longer than a few minutes. today i learned that no matter how happy you are people will always try to ruin your happiness and sometimes you yourself will and can ruin your own happiness also. what irritates me the most is how people tend to see others happy and WANT to destroy it. to me thats not anything other than greed and envy and just unfathomable to me,. maybe thats just my good heart getting the best of me, as Cameron would say (lol),... needless to say life has not been a walk in the park.
The older i get the more i realize that the people you've known, trusted, loved, taken care of, shared secrets with, grown up with, They aren't always going to be there, as well as family the saying blood is thicker than water is one of the most overrated sayings I've ever heard. i've never been betrayed more than by my own family. Honestly my family has never stood by my side never accepted me never listened and never acknowledge the lessons or questions i had on life or about life. one realization hit me about this scenario, not too long ago my grandfather died, nobody called to tell me, not a single member of my family i actually had to find out through a court hearing after arguing with my own mother instead, i read in the court reports as a quote from my mother.... however the worst par about it that not a single tear went down my cheek over it i felt nothing no sadness no pain nothing. see, i barely knew my grandfather, my mother my whole life made sure that we stayed separated from family unless it involved holidays where of course there were presents for the kids or wine for her to drink and even then we never engaged for very long and it always resulted in a family feud between some one and my mother, Sadly the same knowledge i have about my grandfather is the exact amount of knowledge i have for my mother, i know absolutely nothing about my mothers life childhood schools, friends, nothing,
With this knowledge, as Cameron and i walk through this life together we both have started to realize who is against us and who is for us. luckily the man who sits besides me has shown that no matter what no matter how much we fight or use each other as metaphorical punching bags on bad days we are each others family. Let me just say that having some one in my 28 years who finally wants to hear me, know me, understands me, and sees me for the chaotic damaged mess that i am and still refuses to give up on me is a blessing in and of itself.
remember to always be grateful for the person who sees you in your darkest parts and times and still loves you for it all. not many people can say they have some one like that. luckily i am one of those people who can grateful say that Cameron is that person. as damaged and broken as we both are we understand each other more than the rest of the world understand us. yes, we are both a little strange a little deranged and very much recklessly in love with each other. but ill be damned if i don't enjoy every second of happiness, joy, adventure, and love i get to spend with him.
I guess the moral of this story of mine is... don't always believe that your longest friends will be there for you when you need them the most and remember that "blood is not thicker than water" and life is not always a "walk in the park" but always be grateful for the person who is willing to deal with your life's bull shit cause lets be honest life isnt easy and well me im not an easy person to deal with to say the least.